he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
