I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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