Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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