I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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