I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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