At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
