just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
