I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
