I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
