And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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