i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
