I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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