i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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