White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
