You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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