wrigley field is MILF paradise
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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