At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
