My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
