I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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