He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
