Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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