I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
