He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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