if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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