I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
