Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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