Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
