I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
