I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
