Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
