Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
