I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
