Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
did i just pee glitter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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