Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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