the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Come see our sink grown plant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
