I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
