Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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