dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
