I think i peed on brittanys purse
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
