I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
