Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
