I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
