he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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