Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
