I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize