Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
