There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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