This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
