dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
