I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
