Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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