piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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