she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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