if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
