Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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