Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
