my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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