Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
